


Someone who deserves you

by ESH_es



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Another fix of 3x21, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e21 Anything Pierce Can Do I Can Do Better, F/M, Hurt Chloe Decker, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Lucifer season 3 episode21, Reveal Fic, what is this episode anyway? XD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:22:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESH_es/pseuds/ESH_es
Summary: Another fix of Season 3 episode 21 (what is this episode? XD)What if Lucifer had simply told Chloe the truth during the disaster of their dinner?Let's fix this!
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, past Chloe Decker/Marcus Pierce
Comments: 24
Kudos: 256





	Someone who deserves you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> this one shot has been lurking around in my external hard drive for a while and I've chosen to let it out into the wild, wild world XD
> 
> I'm not quite sure why, but I'm not 100% happy with it, but there you go^^ enjoy
> 
> If you want to follow my journey/ future goals and ideas for my fanfics & writing in general, head over to Instagram --> @ESH_es_writes!😁
> 
> As said before! 
> 
> Black lives matter! BIPoC lives matter! 
> 
> Don't stay quiet! Educate yourselves! Support BIPoC!
> 
> This is a movement, not a moment!
> 
> sending my love to you!

The candle’s flames flicker steadily, their reflection breaking in the thin glass of the soft, bubbling champagne. Her eyes glitter with hurt. With confusion.

“Those aren’t tears of joy, are they?”, his dark voice breaks the silence. Chloe takes a shaking breath, two.

“Why are you doing this to me?”, her voice trembles, loaded with unshed tears. Tears on his behalf. His chest stings as he tries to breathe and find words. Shouldn’t she be- glad, happy even? Why – why doesn’t it make her happy? All he wants to do is to wipe away her pain, to bring the hopeful smile back on her face. His head starts spinning as the words that spill out of him are out of his control.

“To prove to you that you shouldn’t be with Pierce.”

The thought of her with him makes him dizzy, let fear and anger boil in his stomach, two feelings of which he now knows that they are a symptom of jealousy. Bloody inconvenient emotion. Her next words freeze the blood in his veins. The question that he is so … so hesitant, no whom is he kidding… so terrified to answer truthfully.

“Why do you care who I’m with?”, the pain in her voice squeezes his heart too tightly. She is hurting. Because of him.

Because… “Because he doesn’t deserve you” Because he wants her to be with him. Because he _loves_ her. His fingers have started trembling. Clutching the fabric of his napkin he tries to regain his composure. But her glassy eyes are like swelling oceans, ready to burst the dams of control and to flood the coast with unsaid emotions. He resists the urge to stretch out his hand to cup her cheek, to take away her pain. Instead his shaking fingers remain in his lap.

Her next words come out as a choke … a sob nearly and he feels one swelling in his own throat.

“Then who does deserve me?”

 _I don’t. but I wish I did._ His dark eyes hold her swimming gaze as he searches for the right words. Raspy they leave his mouth without him noticing the emotion they carry with them.

“Someone… better.”

The fury that flashes over her features makes him wince.

“Lucifer, why do you care!?”, the watery shout, that escapes her, breaks down the walls that he tries to keep up so desperately.

 _Maybe we should explore the possibility that being vulnerable can be a good thing_.

“Because I care about _you_!” His body is trembling, without him even noticing. He notices nothing anymore, but her face, her eyes. The frown that has distorted her features, the way her eyebrows furrow and the way her gaze seems to look right through him. Through his mask, his walls, right into him. Leaving him bare and defenceless in her hands.

_No, it can’t! it means you’re in someone else’s mercy._

“What?”, barely a whisper. She searches his face, his eyes like she is unveiling the truth bit by bit.

“I...I”, he looks away as he can’t hold her gaze anymore. The lump in his throat hinders him to breathe, to say something. Silence hangs above them like Damocles’ sword, threatening to break both of their necks.

“But why?”, she wants to know, quietly. A bitter laugh rises in his throat, not leaving his lips. He closes his eyes and with a small smile, a hurting smile tugging the corners of his mouth he replies.

“Because I do.”

“Lucifer, for once”, she sounds irritated. The way she does, when he puts his feet on her desk at the precinct or when he touches evidence without those dreaded rubber gloves. “For once, tell me the whole truth.” 

Anxiety fills his chest, numbingly and at the same time painstakingly, leaving him unable to move a muscle. The truth. The truth how he cares so much about her, because he loves her. The truth about how he doesn’t deserve her, because he is the devil and he is evil and he doesn’t deserve her goodness, no matter how desperately he wishes he did. How he is terrified of the depths of his feelings. About what he would do for her. He killed and he died for her. And he would do it all over again. About the fear of how much control she has over him. About her being a bloody miracle. His miracle. About how much it hurts to see her with Cain- no Pierce. About how he fears he would lose her. That Cain would hurt her.

“ _Please_ ”, the word, spoken so softly, reaches his consciousness and rips him out of the thoughts spiralling in his head. He lifts his eyes from the gas bubbles rising in the shimmering liquid in front of him, to meet hers.

The green turns into blue and green again, like the arriving and receding waves of the sea. Pleading and questions dance around her irises that resemble the ocean stretching along the LA coast. The ocean he wants to call home. The truth. He would tell her the truth. All of it. He takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with the oxygen they’re screaming for. He hasn’t realized that he has held it.

“Very well”, he says. It sounds so far away, “I … you deserve the truth. The whole truth. More than anyone else.” He rises to his feet, his legs nearly giving in.

“Okay”, Chloe’s eyes follow him as he walks around the table only to halt in front of her. She turns in her seat so she could look at him. “Lucifer what-?”

He raises his hand. “Please. Just… I … I need to do this now, before I chicken out.” He knows that under other circumstances she would have turned that statement into a joke, but his body seems to radiate the nervousness he feels. Bloody trembling.

“I”, he takes another gulp of air, “I wanted to tell you before already. The truth about me, but well, that didn’t go too well, did it? But I know how, now.” She looks at him, still and intrigued. Her head slightly cocked to the side, her hair shimmering like spun gold. How could it be that he has wings, when she’s the one looking so divine?

“Before I show you, I want you … I need you to know, that I could never, ever cause you any harm. You have nothing to fear from me. I would never.” His words make less and less sense to him. His mind is spinning. “I am still the same, no matter what happens next.” This sentence earns him a confused frown.

“If that is-“ _about the thing in the lab_ , she wants to say, but he can’t hear it now. He just needs to.

“Just – bare with me”, he hurries to say, “you, you will understand.”

 _Lucifer, whatever it is that you wanna show me or that you wanna tell me, it’s okay. I’m here for you_.

He swallows, takes a step back and with a trembling breath he rolls his shoulders, unfurling his wings. His heart is racing in his chest, stinging uncomfortably. He can’t bare the look in her eyes, so he closes his, just to snapp them open again, as she whispers.

“Lucifer, I …” Her face is blank. Nothing.

He knows that all the emotions are bleeding out of him, his gaze, his posture. _Please, don’t be scared. Please don’t run._

“Detective”, he croaks.

“It’s… are they real?” Her features become sceptic.

“Very”, is all he can say.

“So… you are… you- you are” She looks at him, longing for help. An explanation.

“-the devil, yes”, he murmurs.

“an angel”, she states simultaneously.

“A fallen one”, Lucifer corrects, “so… yes. I am the devil.”

“but, you… you have wings!”, she protests.

“Yes”, he clenches his teeth, “because _Dad_ put the bloody things onto my back again and took away my… well my devil face. That’s why I couldn’t show you before.”

Her jaw drops. “That’s what you wanted to show me in the lab? And it didn’t work, because someone took it – your devilface - …away. What. Wait- how do you take away…?”

“Not someone. Dad did. And I don’t _know_ ”, he growls. His anxiety replaced by frustration.

“Your Dad”, her voice drifts of, “like.. your Dad is..”

“God, yes.”

“Oh. Oh my G-“

“Detective, please”, his voice grows annoyed.

“Sorry”, she blurts out. Taking deep breaths, she tries to focus again. He has seen her doing it at crime scenes so many times before. Her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, her eyes closing and opening again.

“So, everything you have told me… is the truth”, she looks at him questioningly.

“I have never lied to you”, he simply says.

She swallows and nods. “So you are the … the devil. And that’s the truth… is what you told me about Marcus…”

“-it’s the truth too”, he answers quietly. His heart is still painfully contracting and releasing _. She will realize who I am. What I am._

“You told me and I didn’t believe you”, she whispers. Her eyes welling with tears again.

“Detective, it’s not your fault. You are not to blame. He is.”

“But you told me and I didn’t believe you, because I thought you.. you were…”, her words die on the way out, “you were just trying to protect me.”

“Yes.” Her eyes flicker to his wings again. To those bloody things.

“But if you are the devil” _and you are evil_ “why would you… why would you protect me?” His eyes sting dangerously.

“Because I … detective I care for you.” He can’t take it anymore. With long, hasty strides he makes his way to the bar, gripping the first bottle within his reach and pours himself a drink. The liquid runs down on the outside of his glass, drops of amber. Bloody trembling limbs.

The silence is excruciating. Why can’t she just say something and release him from this torture? Why can’t she just go? A chair gets dragged over the marble floor. He shudders. She is leaving. He scared her off for good. It’s over. The vivid picture of her and Pierce flashes in front of his inner eye. Why would she go back? After all he told her. She is probably more afraid of him than the world’s first murderer. After all, he is the incarnation of evil. He tries to force this annoyingly persistent tears away, but instead they roll down his skin, leaving a hot trail of pain. He sucks in air as if he’s drowning and in a way he really is. A soft touch against his shoulder makes him flinch. He turns his head to see the detective leaning next to him, her eyes worried.

“Why are you still here?”, his voice is on the verge of breaking and the glass, he is grasping, too.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Lucifer? Why didn’t you tell me you cared?”

He releases his grip around his drink, knowing the glass will shatter, if he continues to hold it. Because he was scared. And because, after all he had done…

“Because I don’t deserve you, detective”, he answers hoarsely. How could he ever be good enough for her? She rolls her eyes.

“What is it with you and the whole “deserving” thing?”

His jaw clenches as he blinks away the wetness in his eyes, feeling the hatred filling his veins, his lungs, his chest, his throat. The hatred that eats him alive day after day even though he pretends to be fine when he wakes up the morning after, only to be drowning in loathing when the night rolls around and the darkness swallows any light.

“I just… I don’t”

“Lucifer, I decide who deserves me and who doesn’t.” Tension makes his body rigid and his muscles stiff. His teeth clenched. “And if I decide that you are-”

“I am evil, Chloe!”, he spits out, his voice dark, “I am the incarnation of evil! I am the devil! I am a monster!” He folds the wings back into their realm, his fingers gripping the edge of his bar. Tremors have taken over his limbs and then he is back falling deep within his mind, hitting the bottom. He doesn’t deserve her. He is a monster. Everything he touches, everyone he loves turns to shit. How could he ever be worth her?

“Mister, now you listen to me”, she snaps back. Her sudden anger takes him by surprise, leaving him starring at her incredulously, with shimmering eyes and he realises that hers are too. “You are many things. Egoistic, arrogant, oblivious to any moral obligations, infuriating, have the craziest family issues I have ever seen and you can be the biggest pain in the ass if you aim high, but _you are not evil_.” Her words bore into his mind. “You are a good person. You want things to be just, when they aren’t and you can be sweet and caring”, she takes a step closer, hesitantly as if she expects him to back away any second. But he doesn’t. “And yes, I know what people say about you. You are the devil. You are evil and that you are to blame for all of mankind’s sins, but the truth is – you are not. You said it yourself so many times. You punish evil. You are not a monster.” He soaks up her words and lets them caresses his torn and hurting soul. She comes closer once more, carefully entering his personal space and he lets her. Her hand comes up to stroke his shoulder. He can’t even help it, he is leaning in her touch like a starved, abandoned stray dog.

“You are my partner, Lucifer. You always have my back. And even though you are getting on my nerves more than any other person on this planet”, a hint of a grin in her words, “I can count on you. And I trust you. Yes, the whole “I am really the actual devil” is overwhelming me. A lot. And my head doesn’t stop spinning of questions. And I am scared. Not of you. But of what all this means.”

“Detective”, he murmurs, the tension leaving of his body as he reaches out to put his hand onto hers.

“Please, let me finish.” He nods and gives her hand a little squeeze. “You are my partner. My friend and I know you. Well, now I truly know. But I know who you are. Who you are as Lucifer Morningstar. And that is what truly counts.”

Something inside him, something that broke eons ago seems to be healing. He turns towards her, his eyes burning with unshed tears. “Chloe.”

“Yes, Lucifer?”, she gives him a smile, a smile that is so full of warmth that it takes his breath away. That feeling that has been burning inside him ever since, that flows through his veins and makes him dizzy of overwhelm is collecting inside his chest, rising in his throat. He can’t contain them any longer. A trembling breath and before he can stop himself, they leave his lips.

“ _I love you_.”

Her eyes grow wide and he closes his.

“I… I am sorry”, he hastily adds, “I didn’t…. I …. I am sorry.” There it is again. The stinging in his heart. Who could love the devil?

“It’s okay”, she whispers, “no Lucifer, really. It is. Just.” _I don’t feel the same way for you_. This is worse. It is hollow. It feels like hell’s flames. It hurts. Like a bitch.

“It was stupid. I … You have my sincerest apologies detective.” He takes a step back, her hand slipping away and the warmth along with it. He turns, but a strong grip holds him back.

“Wait for a god damn second”, she groans.

“Can we please leave my father out of this?”

She snorts, “Then wait and let me answer you, before you jump to conclusions. Again.” He freezes. Because she desires him to. She closes the distance he’s created and her fingers find his cheek, caressing it carefully. He can’t even breathe properly. What is this bloody woman doing to him? Can she just push the blade into his chest and turn it to get over with it?

“I appreciate you being honest with me. I truly do. My head is spinning right now and I don’t even know what to think. But there is one thing, Lucifer, that I am sure about.” Her gaze meets his and he knows that she sees his pain, his fear and that stupid ray of hope that is burning deep inside his heart. “I care for you too. I can’t say those three words back to you, because that would be a lie and we both know we don’t do lies. I am too… confused yet. But I care for you, Lucifer. Deeply.”

He stares at her as if he was dreaming. She… she does care for him? His hand covers hers as it reaches up without him even noticing.

“What...”, he tries to put his thoughts into words, “Detective.”

She smiles mischievously. “What, have I actually rendered the devil speechless?” A smile creeps onto his lips as he finally relaxes.

“Indeed you did.”

“So, what now?” she looks at him curiously.

“Chrm”, he clears his throat, “Do you… want dinner? I can warm it up if that’s what you desire.” She gives him an encouraging smile. 

“I’d like that very much.”

“And, I believe you have some questions that you want answered?”

“Only a few”, she winks with a small grin.


End file.
